My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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