i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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