she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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