Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
