those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I skipped work to stalk him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
