i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
