Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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