Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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