WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize