Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
