I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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