Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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