He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
