what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
