it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
