Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
