i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
