i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had sex on a roof
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
