I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
