I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
