i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
