Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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