Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
