some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
bring money and cleavage
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
