Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
