I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
