This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
