but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
