And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
