For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
