GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
