You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
