The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
