So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
