its not stalking. its research.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
