I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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