ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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