dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
