she looked like the before picture.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
