and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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