Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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