the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
