How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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