Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
