my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
