I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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