ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
