You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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