Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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