The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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