I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just tell him i said nine months
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize