1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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