My nipple is on Facebook.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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