We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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