People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
