high people should be assigned attendants
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
