Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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