They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
