had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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