my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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