Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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