I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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