i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
