so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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