I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
