Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
