i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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