so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
