Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
