well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
