i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
