Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
